But I wish I could feel what you feel"
Brian Platt - Gravity (one of my favourite songs at the moment, despite my dislike of 'Platt-man' )
I'm sure I've posted on this before... perhaps I have new insight, perhaps not.
Lately, I think I've become slightly 'seared' emotionally, you know like when you burn your tongue, you can't taste properly anymore, but you still sort of can.
I wonder if that's what my heart (or wherever you store your emotions) is a bit like...
So very often I get to a point where I can not open my heart to anymore stress/anguish of other people, so I cease to become emotionally involved with the situation.
I think what makes it worse, is that I don't act any different, but I know inside that I'm different towards the situation.
I still do 'What I'm supposed to do', be there, talk to them, give them a hug, and whatever .... but inside I just don't Care.
What is caring anyway? Is it doing what you can to support the person? (despite emotional detachment)
Or walking around with their burdens weighing on your heart?
Letting them drag you down, and turn you around in circles? Isn't that true caring!?!
And the terrible thing is, I can still have a heart open to positive emotions, while shutting down the empathetic part :( And that makes me feel even worse.
But.. sometimes it hits you, God just breaks your heart over something....
Several years ago at Xtend, I had a heart-break experience... God just broke my heart over the hurt, lost people in the world who are suffering from poverty, from the rest of the world looking the other way. I actually felt physical heart pain, and was bawling for hours... Not sure that I've quite reacted how I should have... but I do think that my mindset has changed.
I need God to fill me up again with his love, compassion, mercy and empathy.
I know he can... and he's the only one.
No comments:
Post a Comment